Short Works Essay Paragraph Revision

Original:
Initially in the work in the work, Marquez’s sympathetic tone depicts a gloomy environment and the seemingly considerate people who inhabit it to  to introduce an egocentric setting. In the very beginning of the story, the narrator states that, “the world [has] been sad since Tuesday. Sea and sky [are] a single ash-gray thing and the sands of the beach... have become a stew of mud and rotten shellfish" (Marquez 327). The degree of dreariness described in the depressing imagery of ash-gray sights and rotten smells invites readers to feel compassion for the characters in the work who must endure the dull environment. The tone calls for sympathy, and it prefaces the susceptibility of the people to obsess over and expect miracles that can potentially improve their lives. Next, when the main characters Pelayo and Elisenda discover the angel in their courtyard, “they [do] not have the heart to club him to death” (328), despite their neighbor’s in-put. The tone present when describing the couple’s decision not to kill the angel praises the characters as if sparing the lives of ethereal, godly figures is a commendable feat. This exaggeration of compassion suggests that the people in “A Very Old Man with Enormous Wings” think highly of themselves for doing little and that they don’t typically practice empathy. The tone pities and praises the people in the short story, indicating their self-serving tendencies and prefacing their impractical expectations.

Revised:
Initially in the work, Marquez’s sympathetic tone depicts a gloomy environment and the seemingly considerate people who inhabit it to introduce an egocentric setting. In the beginning of the story, the narrator states that “the world [has] been sad since Tuesday. Sea and sky [are] a single ash-gray thing and the sands of the beach... have become a stew of mud and rotten shellfish" (Marquez 327). The degree of dreariness described in the depressing imagery of “ash-gray” sights and “rotten” smells invites readers to feel compassion for the characters who must endure the dull environment; the tone calls for sympathy when the characters actually deserve none, and it prefaces the susceptibility of the people to expect miracles that can potentially improve their lives. When Pelayo and Elisenda discover the angel in their courtyard, “they [do] not have the heart to club him to death” (328). The tone in this point of the story praises the characters as if sparing the life of an ethereal, godly figure conveys great benevolence; this exaggeration of compassion suggests that the people in “A Very Old Man with Enormous Wings” think highly of themselves for doing little and don’t typically practice empathy. The tone pities and praises the people in the work, indicating their self-serving tendencies and prefacing their impractical expectations.